The Bartenders’ Twelve Steps

by Gaz Regan · Wednesday, March 11th, 2015 · Mindful Bartending

The Bartenders’ Twelve Steps

as laid down by gaz regan

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We admit that we are powerless over our need to make people happy. And we’re also powerless over our need to make lotsa moula without having to sit behind a fuckin’ desk all day.

We have come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves is guiding us to work in bars and restaurants rather than diggin’ ditches.  Not that there’s anything wrong with being a ditch-digger, of course . . .

We have made a decision to turn our will and our lives behind the bar over to the care of  whoever owns this joint and hands me a regular pay-check providing they don’t pester us for shot of Jager when we’re in the fuckin’ weeds.

We have made a searching and fearless inventory of every damned bottle behind the bar. And the basement. And the drawer in the office where the boss keeps his or her hidden stash. But the flask in my pocket is mine and mine alone so keep your damned hands off it.

We have admitted to a whole bunch of bartenders the exact nature of our weak points behind the bar.  Now everyone in town now thinks I’m a complete fuckin’ moron.

We are entirely ready to listen to other bartenders in the hope that they can point the way to nursing hangovers more effectively and getting laid more often.

We have humbly asked these bartenders to help us to visit us on their nights off so they can leave us massive tips.

We have made a list of all persons we have cut off for bad behavior, and we are willing to share it with anyone who asks.  Be warned.

We have made direct amends to people we cut off mistakenly, and we have removed them from our list and promised to buy them a drink next time they pop in.  As long as they tip decently . . .

We continue to strive to become better bartenders, and when we fuck up we will promptly admit it.  Yeah, right . . .

We have sought to improve our conscious contact with the bartending community, and we ask that we will be able to understand what the hell they’re talking about.

We have become far more aware of the needs of our guests as the result of following these steps, and we’ll try to pass on our wisdom to all the poor suckers who follow in our foot-steps.

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